my careless contagion

King Kong (2005) is not a particularly strong movie, but as an update to the original, it does the job. There have been so many movies featuring King Kong, it's kinda ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous, perhaps, is me trying to show a parallel between this movie and my life. Go ahead and laugh. This movie relies on symbolism and metaphors (much like Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness mentioned in the film). This is a long movie (by Peter Jackson, who I don't think makes short movies), most of which is bogged down in typical action movie stuff. The story is widely known, but we find Kong on a Jurassic Park sort of island, Skull Island, a place inhabited by dinosaurs and giant bugs, etc. It's ridiculous, but gloriously so. He is king of the island, and the savage inhabitants feed him sacrifices to presumably appease him. Well, when Ann is one of those sacrifices, something changes.  It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment this beast has a change of hear...

Without beleaguering the point, my readers know my life has not been a cake walk. It's not something I try to dwell on, but it's unnerving sometimes how difficult it has been. Still, in my darkest moments, I was able to see beauty around me. Something at the heart of me cried out for beauty, and it was always there.  The greatest defeater of happiness seems to be comparisons. It's so unfair to ourselves. No one lives the same life, so it's never going to be a fair comparison. Given our innate drive to better ourselves, we, of course, focus on those who have, in our opinion, done better than us. Social media makes this comparison process available 24/7. We can't even hide in the safety of our own homes, deep inside the womb of a hot bubble bath, without unfair comparisons.  I know my life will change again, like a constantly evolving landscape, being built up and eroding at the same time. How can I compare my life to anyone's when I can't even sit stil...

161 miles. That was my total for the year. When I was struggling to deal with my life at the beginning of 2018, I decided I wanted to keep track of something positive during the year. So, I decided to keep track of the miles I ran. I started out really strong in January, which is amazing because I'm sure the weather was crap. I ran 23 miles that month. The first half of the year was also strong, but with the sale of my house and with a 13-credit-hour load at school, I wasn't able to keep up that pace. Finally, in December, I finished with only two miles for a total of 161 for the year. That's not phenomenal, but it makes me realize that positive change is incremental. It makes me realize that a mile or two here really adds up. I didn't add in all the miles hiking, and I'm sure I forgot to write down a few miles, so the actual expenditure of energy is much higher than the 161 miles. I also realized I hate running long distances, so those two-, three-, and four...

This isn't like me. Where did I go? I'm one of the toughest people I know. I've been through things that should have killed me. I've been through things that no one else will ever know. I've struggled through so many awful days and nights that stretched into years and decades. I was made of something that just wouldn't quit. What have I become?  Through a series of humbling misadventures, many facts about myself have come to the surface. That's my only explanation. My body, my soul, and my spirit show the carnage they've been through. The scars are there for all to see. I've been broken more times than I can count, have stood tall in the midst of chaos and pain that fell like rain. There aren't words to explain what I've seen.  It should have destroyed me. It didn't. Parts of me are gone now, never to be retrieved. I'm not an ordinary person. People eventually see it. It scares them. How could anyone shuffle through such mi...