my careless contagion

One of my posts that still gets hits is about saying I'm sorry. People really don't know how to apologize sometimes. I know I don't. But I'll try. This is a loose end I have been intending to tie up for quite some time with a specific girl but haven't had the chance to do so. I imagined myself holding her gently or falling to my knees and grabbing her ankles. I may not have the chance to do that, so this will have to suffice. Before I close this blog for good, these words have to be said. I hope she hears me and understands these words simply aren't enough. I can't express my remorse with words alone. I sought to make it up to her with actions, but even that isn't enough. Maybe over many years it would be possible.  When I moved to this town, we weren't talking and I told her I would leave her alone. I was intent on starting a new life here. I was focused on that. Then, out of the blue, she suggested we meet and discuss what went wrong with us. She e...

Sometimes it is necessary to issue apologies. Celebrities do it all the time, at the risk of being canceled otherwise. Well, I'm no celebrity, and there is no risk of me being canceled, except by God. But, sometimes we have to say we're sorry.  So, I'm sorry. There. Done.  Oh, wait. I should probably get into detail a bit.  I apologize to my ex, whom I slew a great deal on my blog. She's an ordinary human being. She is flawed. I didn't need to ax her asunder as I did. I wouldn't want anyone to tear me up the way I did her on these pages. I'm sorry for that. For the record, she seems quite happy without me and has no intention of letting me back in her life. She must have been happy to unload me.  I apologize to my parents, who did the best they could raising me. They did a lot to make sure I got the right opportunities and missed out on things that were less than savory. As for their faults, all I can say is everyone is human. There are no perfect parents. A...

I don't know which is more brutal, my heart or my mind. They take turns pummeling me, berating me, striking me down, and dragging me through the streets of regret.  I'm so sorry. I never should have let this happen. If God would let me restore what I've taken from you, I would — 700 fold.  I feel sick to my stomach every single day considering what I've done. I've sought God with tears night and day and in the middle of the night for a way to put you and your family back together, to bind up these broken hearts, to heal the wounded spirits. My hands are so short, and the answers seem just out of reach.  My dear, I love you too much to have hurt you like this, to have taken anything from you. All I wanted was to add more to your life. Instead, I've broken it like a beast. Like a murderer, I've injected your lives with suffering. I've taken the best things — the nearest and dearest things to you — and I've slit their throats before y...