my careless contagion

I’ve never met a woman like her in my entire life. She’s just so rare, though to herself she may feel ordinary. I remember her smile, which lights up my world, so well, as I do so many details. I cherished them because I had so few and wanted so many. Things that are rare are treated differently. They’re cherished. That’s where I am now: cherishing memories. But, I also ponder what makes her unique to me.  How did she soldier through so many years of neglect, pain, and abuse? How did she sleep so many nights wondering where her dear one was and whose heart or whose body he was chasing? When he said awful things or flared in anger, how did she turn the other cheek? How did she brush off his abusive and controlling behavior? And then was somehow wounded when she perceived she had wounded others by finally protecting herself? I watched her mourn losing a man who treated her despicably. It took my breath away. The heart of that woman is unbelievable. It is simply wrapped up in everyone...

Sunday, Nov. 17, started out well enough. I planned to fast and pray, and that's what I did. The very things I prayed about God answered through His typical overlay of confirmations quickly, so I ended my fast earlier than planned. God likes to use repetition to get our attention sometimes. Whatever works, really. It's possible I could be injecting meaning of my own into Bible verses that seem to stand out to me, but after a while, they pile up and it's hard to ignore. The day ended with quite a  load of information for me to process. I spent a restless night parsing all that information. It feels like I slept only a couple of hours, even though I was exhausted.  The bulk of the information was delivered through text from Cindy about the direction she's headed. While it may not be a surprise to anyone here, she shared that she started dating her ex again a couple of months ago and has gone to counseling with him. I suspected that was happening and even had a drea...