my careless contagion

When someone you love leaves your life, you have two choices. You can either accept that fact and move on or live with the constant ache of them being gone. Apparently, I've chosen the latter.  The ache is a constant reminder of what your heart knows. She's gone. She's not coming back. But the heart wants what it wants. And it wants her. So the mind manufactures her. Everywhere.  Everything begins to remind you of her. Your calendar used to tell you many things, but now all it tells you is that it's been so many days or so many months since something happened with her. You remember the softness of her skin and the tautness of her muscles beneath it, the infinite tenderness and suppleness of her body, the way she smelled, the way her hair felt on your chest, your stomach, your everything. You tasted her mouth and now recall her soft lips and impossibly big, beautiful eyes that were yours and only yours to behold for a moment. You remember her in her underwear and ...

I printed a picture of us that was taken almost a year and a half ago. Pretty soon it will be two years since we reconnected and started talking. Time flies when you're madly in love with someone. I'll put the picture somewhere. Maybe by my bed, maybe by my desk. I just want to remember you and that day with you that was so perfect. If only I'd made you mine when I could have, we would have had so many perfect days together.  I always thought she was special, and I always thought highly of her. She's made of something different. Other women simply don't compare. She's a rare thing, a thing of beauty. Every single day I count myself blessed she made a meteor strike in my heart, a great cavern in my chest. When she tore into me, I knew I'd never be the same. And I never want to go back to what I was like before. I've seen true beauty, and I cannot forget it. I felt things for her I never thought I'd feel. I saw things in her I never ...