my careless contagion

Thanks, guy. Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting. - Daniel 5:27 My blog is all about being honest. I've done considerable soul searching over the year and a half this blog has been running. What I want to do in this post is to compare myself to the girl I love's ex-husband (We'll say his name is DC for our purposes) as well as expound on some of the reasons I won't get the girl. Fifty reasons doesn't seem like enough. I think the whole world was against us.  I've never actually met this man, DC. He popped in a couple times when I visited the girl at her house while on vacation, but I was always in a different room or outside. So, the only way I know any of this is through my conversations with her, conversations that took place years ago.  Am I doing this to self-flagellate or put myself down again? Well, I sure hope not. I know I've done a lot of that in the past. That's not my intention this time. What I want to do i...

Today is the day after. The day after she broke my heart again. The day after she told me she does not read these words. It's just as well. So many of them are raw, ugly, malignant. But, I had hoped she would see the loveliest of them — the love letters. Those were bright spots amidst the carnage. Those symbolized her in my life.  My blog is many things. But mostly, it's like a little kid trying to put together a puzzle. He rearranges, turns things around, gets up, walks away, gets angry, laughs, tries to stand on his head, all to figure out how the pieces fit together. It's kind of a schizophrenic approach, I admit. It's just me trying to figure things out. This woman I love is by far the most puzzling piece. Today I didn't go to the store early as I normally do. Today I stayed in bed, too depressed to even think of stepping out onto the cold floor and fumbling around in the dark to start a day I just wished would go away. It's one blow after another. An...