my careless contagion

In all my years and in all my thinking about the woman I would someday meet, I never knew she would be as amazing as you. Had I known, I would have abandoned fantasies and dead ends, sought you in every street and every avenue. Had I known you’d have such captivating green eyes, I would have shunned the gaze of so many women. Had I known you’d come to me, I would have waited patiently.  I never knew you’d come from so far away, that you’d have so much love and passion to give. I never knew your kisses would be so tender, your mind so dirty, your body so fit, your mind even fitter.  I never knew you’d be a petite brunette minx who would make me laugh more than anyone else, who would always turn a bad day around. I never knew how quickly you would capture my restless heart and flood my soul with hope. I didn’t know you would appear during the worst year of my life, shining light in my darkest hour.  I never knew I’d fall in love so fast and so hard, when I thought falling i...

Yes, I said it before. And, yes, I’ll say it again. My heart is fixed. My mind is sure. She is the one I love. There is no shame in loving a woman. Perhaps by stating so often how I feel I seek to erase the years she was neglected and misused, traumatized and abused. Whatever she’s doing now and whomever she’s with, I hope she knows how much this (admittedly pathetic) man loves her. But does she love me? Who knows what secrets her heart keeps?  When someone we care about greatly is absent from our lives, we sometimes go through wild theatrics to bring them back to us in small ways. It may be a dream – the unconscious speaking for us – or it may be a thousand thoughts in a thousand ways directed their way. For me, it was those and more. I sought her in everyone I met. What I sought lived only behind her green eyes, not someone else’s. But, a starving man has heightened senses. In the lack of her, I found pieces of her around me. I became rich in her, if only in my mind.  At the...