50 reasons I'm bad at relationships (and other dumb stuff about me)
Fifty reasons why I am bad at relationships (and life in general). Haha, prepare yourself for a long post. It's quite possible I made some of these up. Hint: I didn't make up the first one. Or the last one. 1) My voice is shitty. It vacillates between sounding like Hank Hill, the protagonist of King of the Hill (an animated series created by Mike Judge), and Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. I'm surprised I was allowed to have sex with a woman, any woman, with a voice like this. I'm pretty sure there's a law against it. Don't make me yell for any reason or bears will come out of the forest and eat babies out of sheer annoyance. I sound like a dying pterodactyl. Making love to another dying pterodactyl. *Shudder* 2) My sex drive went for a drive and never came back. Considering what I have to offer women, that's probably okay. I don't think anyone is going to feel sad they're missing out on my gummy worm. Actually, it's more like a gummy bea...