my careless contagion

My aunt Jane is my father's kid sister. I believe she's a half-sister (different mother). He also has a brother and another kid brother (half brother who is younger than me), all younger than he. That's my dad's side of the family. Pretty wild. But Aunt Jane was a force for good in my life.  She lived with my family I think after she was done with college and before she got married and had kids and all that. She paid attention to me and we had similar interests, so naturally, we had a lot of fun. Except for that time I took her perfume sprayer apart (I was always taking things apart). Aunt Jane is funny, quirky, has curly red hair, and loved all things artistic. The photo dump above shows us coloring something together. The last photo is reprising my role as Tiny Tim. By the way, our house was always trashed like this. I mean, stuff was everywhere. My parents' home is still a disaster. I suggested many times they have a garage sale to get rid of stuff (or many ...

When I sit alone in my little apartment. When I toss and turn in the night and you aren't there. When I talk to my son and he seems so far away. When I think of all the times you took advantage of my heart. When I see the damage that you've done to me. When I realize what a waste it was to love you. When I cry in my car. When I cry at night. When I get down on my knees and break once again. Sometimes all that's left is anger. If you hadn't been so callous and cold-blooded. If you hadn't mistaken me for an average man and an average love. If you hadn't spent so many hours with other men. If you hadn't disregarded my feelings, even as I broke before you. If you hadn't fooled me with your foolishness, been so careless with your carelessness. If you hadn't been so wonton. If you hadn't been so utterly stupid and reckless, so endlessly belligerent toward my soul. If you hadn't been so maliciously selfish. If you hadn...

    It was a one-two punch mourning the loss of two girls at once some days it felt like the pain would last forever I'm better now at least, some days I am I cry a lot: when I'm alone in my apartment when I've driving when I read books when I watch movies sometimes at work if I can hurry away in time always before I fall asleep and sometimes when I wake up I've lost everything hit rock bottom have wallowed in it have swallowed it become it I don't know why I persist I guess because I'm the only one who can live this life someone has to do it Is it true what they say when you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up? Now is when I find out.