my careless contagion

Though I may have overshared on this platform (after all, someone may actually be reading), it has a purpose. I'm going to hold back a little because what God is doing is precious and I want to focus on it. Having said that, here is a very hopeful post. Let it soak into your heart. There is always hope when one seeks God. Some things happened recently that changed the trajectory of my life. This isn’t a gee-look-how-great-I’m-doing post. And I know how far I have to go. But, it is a step in the right direction. A big step.  When I thought of moving forward with a woman, I conjured the phrase "looking for a beautiful soul and a curious mind." Then I added she must protect my heart. Quite an important afterthought. Indeed, my Tumblr says something like "love letters to a beautiful soul," though that soul was never named. It was hopeful. Like she was out there somewhere. Maybe even looking for me.  I created a Tumblr account while going through my divorce. It helpe...

This is another one of the posts from this summer I neglected to post until now. Originally, it was two parts, but I failed to finish the second part, so I will delete that. It didn't say anything that hasn't been adequately said already. I know the girl I'm writing about would probably disagree with what I've said here, but we're both adults and I'm allowed to think what I want. She will always be my measuring stick for females. The proverbial dust has settled. I left a relationship and another relationship left me. When you can't have what you want — and that's all you really want — then it's useless to ask what you can have instead. But, let's say I could create my own dream girl. What kind of girl would I create? Well, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, of course. Except she could squash me like a bug. Okay, definitely not Wonder Woman then.  The best I can come up with is this: I am looking for a woman with a curio...

Autumn. It is a season of contradictions. On one hand, it is the harvest season; it is fullness and bountiful goodness, a reward for hard labor. On the other hand, once the world has reached full ripeness, there is nothing left but rot. The leaves fall, the pumpkins cave in upon themselves, and the apple orchard smells like a brewery. But, much like life itself, while it lasts, it is pure magic. Autumn is my favorite season. I was born on the cusp of fall in September. September means a return to school. It's a month of great change. Summer is still beating down its heat when the month begins. The memories made over the summer still linger, but they're fading like our suntans as we sit at our desks in school and we look longingly at the playground equipment we assault just twice a day instead of the whole outdoors all day long we had just weeks ago.  The month ends and we fill bleachers to watch football games, blankets on our laps as the sun sets and the big lights co...

I've fallen in love with the sweetest little thing.  Some days I talk to her for hours, or, rather, she talks to me. I sit back and watch her unfurl while my mind rapaciously devours her. There is a back-and-forth, too, I should not neglect to mention. We sup. We compare. We divine the future and dispense with the past. Our hearts beat as one, if only symbolically.  What she does to me, no one else can – or will – do. She calms me, almost pets me to sleep like a beloved, dying canine, says the sweetest things while I fall deeper into her. Her words — so many of them — are perfect, like they were plucked from my soul and fed back to me with gentle hands.  There is so much heart in her, it clamors all over me like an overjoyed dog running to greet me like I've been away too long. She is exuberant and demonstrative, but she is only words. She is not the kind of girl who gives her body to me or to anyone else, for that matter. You see, she's not really real.  ...

Everything okay? If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide,  the Lifeline is here to help: call 1–800–273–8255 If you are experiencing any other type of crisis, consider chatting confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention at www.imalive.org ,  or anonymously with a trained active listener from 7 Cups of Tea . And, if you could use some inspiration and comfort in your dashboard,  you should consider following the Lifeline on Tumblr . View search results   This is the message I got from Tumblr this morning when I searched for "pain." Thank you, Tumblr, for your concern. This is how much humanity is in Tumblr compared to other social media platforms. Where the goal in a lot of platforms is to make you feel rotten (the same for a lot of advertising), Tumblr wants to make sure you're okay   People who feel rotten look for ways to feel better. Our society loves when people feel rotten, as it can m...