my careless contagion

It's that time again. It's time for my semi-annual rewatching of Can't Hardly Wait , the 1998 film featuring music of the same ungrammatical name (yes, I briefly wrote about it nearly two years ago in my "That girl" post). What is my fascination with this movie? Perhaps that's too complex to start with. It's a fun, campy movie (that, apparently, still means a lot to many people ). And the main character gets the girl in the end. It's safe to say a lot has changed in the last 22 years. The movie, though, is a time capsule. We've changed. Our world has changed. Things that were okay or even funny in 1998 are no longer okay and funny, as this dumb article points out (leave it to Buzzfeed to miss the point). You can't take things out of the context in which they were created and examine them under the harsh light of today. Things were different then. This movie was never intended to be scrutinized or taken seriously. It was mindless entertain...

Recently, a dear friend shared with me a series of videos on YouTube called "Fall of Cabal," which stretches to 10 episodes. The entire video is above as one, though I watched it incrementally as time allowed.  Fall of Cabal is in the same vein as the video I shared recently called Out of Shadows, though it is more comprehensive and included quite a few things I didn't know. It didn't shake me to my core, though it did embolden me to pray harder. This video reveals the wickedness of those who run our world. I would say to not watch if you are squeamish, but there is no time for that now. People need to wake up. Take action. Our world is better off in our hands than the cabal's hands. The people in charge of this world are often not benevolent. What is happening around the world right now is by design, and it is not for the benefit of mankind. As a wise man once said, "The masses of humanity have always had to suffer." Meanwhile, the powers that be...

I have two older brothers: Jason and Jonathan. This post is about the middle brother, Jon. I've talked about some of the abuse I suffered in my childhood. Most of that abuse — the longest-running and most profound — took place at the hands of Jon.  The pictures directly above and below were taken in Florida many moons ago. My family would go to a condo owned by the company my father worked for during Christmas vacations. We did that many years with varying degrees of completeness. Sometimes Jason could join us, sometimes my grandma came. But it was always a bunch of white Nebraska folks (okay, Gramma wasn't from Nebraska) getting burned by the sun and eating a lot of key lime pie and seafood. Looking at these pictures, something is clear. I mean, besides the fact that at one point I changed which side I parted my hair. No, I mean the legacy of my relationship with my brother is not simple. It is as I would describe his behavior: bipolar. We were friends much of those ...

Fishing used to mean a lot to me. I haven't been fishing in years. I'm pretty sure I can no longer tie a knot or pick the right lure or even cast correctly. But I have lots of memories of fishing. My ex-father-in-law was an avid fly fisherman, primarily in the Upper Peninsula. He even wrote a book about his experiences. He tried to teach me how to cast a flyrod. It is a delicate, dancing thing for which I had no patience. I was used to a different kind of fishing, the kind where you don't really catch stuff. No, I'm kidding. I caught my fair share of fish. And, once, I got to meet a guy my brother and I nicknamed "Rock Bass."  The above picture was taken at one of the many lakes in the Black Hills. I mentioned before my first fish was taken at picturesque Sylvan Lake. I'm not sure which lake is in this picture, but you can see the coffee can where I kept my worms. And that green tackle box? I still have it. It has tools in it now, one of ...

The month of April means quite a few things to me.  On April 1, my ex and I found out she was pregnant. We didn't tell anyone that day six years ago because they would have thought it was an April Fools' joke. It was the beginning of big changes. It was also the month I decided (with God's blessing, though not His directive; I never felt He was telling me) I should upend our lives and start over in South Dakota after putting down roots in Ohio for the better part of two decades. My ex lived there for three decades. It was a big move for us, especially because she was pregnant. All that stress, did it impact my son in the womb? I don't know.  In April six years ago I stopped drinking. I don't know the exact date. I was an avid homebrewer. Though I was no stranger to liquor, my preference was always beer. Liquor tasted like burning. Beer tasted malty, roasty, hoppy, and next to perfect. Still, I felt I had to quit. Starting over in life isn't easy, and ...

I'm going to do something I rarely do, which is recommend those still reading this blog watch the above documentary called " Out of Shadows ," which runs about an hour and 20 minutes. This video has been put in front of me three times recently (it's making the rounds, apparently), which made me take notice, as my spirit halted me. Regardless of my convictions, though, decide for yourself whether or not the video is worth watching. It ends on a hopeful note, which is important because there is always hope. Nothing here is shocking to me. It talks about the following themes: CIA and NSA (US government in general) disinformation campaigns, occultism, Hollywood, mind control, politics, various so-called conspiracies such as Operation Paperclip, etc. Most of this information is extremely dated, as I've been aware of much of it most of my life. However, it is packaged well and is a good introduction to walk in a new awareness of reality. The subject matter is so br...

The above photo was taken when I was pretty young. I'm the one on the left and my oldest brother is next to me, and then the middle brother on the right. This was taken in the first house we lived in on Minnekahta Ave.  I don't know when my family stopped celebrating major holidays like Easter. I think some of my family still do celebrate. Maybe we stopped after realizing we had a million eggs to eat. I remember eating hardboiled eggs days after Easter, their flesh unnatural colors like pink and blue and green in spots.  This photo is funny for many reasons. I am particularly taken with that egg I'm holding. I'm also half-dressed in what looks like a sort of tutu. My oldest brother is wearing an animal print robe, which no child should ever wear. My brothers look like they are so over decorating those eggs (was it early in the morning?). I look like I want to marry mine.  I recall the little cubes or whatever we dropped into the cups that had the spoons in them...

I'm going to try something a little different with my blog. Okay, maybe it isn't that different. I'm going to talk about some of my memories. They won't look like much at first, but pieced together over time, they will take shape sort of like a mosaic.  The above photo was taken the day after I caught my first fish. My dad got me up early (see my uncombed haystack of hair?) and took this photo along with one of me on my red bike (not pictured in the background; that was my oldest brother's). The picture was taken in the driveway of our Hot Springs home on the hill, so I was between seven and ten years old. I recall being very tired. Mornings, apparently, were not my thing.  My mom cooked the fish after I begged her. It really should have been thrown back, which my dad suggested, but I also begged him to let me keep it, it being my first fish. I believe it is a trout. The Black Hills waterways are stocked with trout, and this fish was caught at Sylvan Lake.  ...

The book of Proverbs ends by expounding on the virtuous woman. I've known that term — virtuous woman — for about 30 years. Until fairly recently, I didn't have a clue what it looked like, however.  Everyone reading this blog probably knows I'm in love with a woman named Cindy. But the readers of this blog and even the author know next to nothing about her. Yes, I love her. But what do I really know about her?  Our communication was brief. Our time together was illicit. We made mistakes. I won't argue that. None of that negates what I saw in her. God doesn't punish His children forever. All of that was over a long time ago. But, my thoughts for her remain much the same, and my heart sings the sweetest songs when it thinks of her. She is the closest I've come to seeing a virtuous woman in action. Yes, there is no need to point out that no one is perfect. Still, she is many of those things listed in Proverbs. And I am truly glad to have gotten to know her....

Dressed up for church. I'm the little one. Every day has a feeling. Sunday is the first day of the week on my calendar. But it always feels like the end. Monday is the beginning of something. Sunday is for saying goodbye to a week. The way Sunday feels has changed over the course of my 42 years. When I was a child, Sunday was for Sunday school and church. My earliest memories of church were of boredom. I often fell asleep during the services. Maybe it was really early in the morning. Maybe the preacher droned on. My mother played piano for our church. (I'm referencing one church, though we went to many over the years.) Her fingers played the notes even as she sat in the pew next to me. I watched her "play" the piano and studied her fingers. I studied my father's fingers, too, though his were harder and hairier.   I'm the little one. No, not the dog! The most exciting thing about Sunday was the Sunday paper, in this case, the Rapid City Journal. T...

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe." (Proverbs 18:10) The above proverb relates to a recent post about the names of God. The very name of God is a strong tower or defense. According to Philippians 2:9-11 ( Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father), there is nothing higher than the name of Jesus Christ (nor more powerful!). And, as Christians are supposed to point the way to Jesus Christ, Jesus points the way to the Father. In Him is found everything we need or want. In these present times, which are more than a little uncertain, some things remain certain. Those things are found in my Bible, from which I daily seek comfort. Lately, I've been spen...