my careless contagion

I'm honestly starting to feel sorry for my readers at this point. It's probably not much fun looking in on someone's life when all they see is a repository for bad shit. However, if you think reading this is a downer, try living my life. This is part three of four examining my childhood. I promise the fourth post will end this retrospective on a high note.  The butterfly on the windowsill makes for a pretty picture but is trapped and will die unless someone lets him out. No, this is not a post on monarch mind control programming (though there are eerie similarities to how I was raised), but there's plenty of information out there if you'd like to deviate from this sadness to another sort of sadness.  No, the butterfly is symbolic. It is a symbol of my childhood. You see, there was an actual butterfly. When we still lived in the town I was born in, I tooled around on my bike quite a bit. It was freedom from the adult world where I was tethered to places...

Disclaimer: If you feel you may be triggered by discussion of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or anything akin to that, please know these are discussed in this post. I apologize in advance for the messy way this is written. This was a difficult thing to write. I'm writing strictly from my own perspective, however, I realize childhood trauma's effects look different in different people. All I know is myself, and that's all I can write about, so that's what will follow. Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is a monster. An article here makes it clear it isn't going away; in fact, it has only proliferated in the digital age. So many kids have been traumatized by CSA, and, as they enter adulthood, they bring that trauma with them. I know this firsthand, as I was one of those kids.  Some of the stats for CSA are hard to comprehend. Some sources say up to 30% of men and up to 40% of women have experienced CSA. Those numbers are probably low if you factor in non-cont...

Disclaimer: If you feel you may be triggered by discussion of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or anything akin to that, please know these are discussed in this post. I apologize in advance for the messy way this is written. This was difficult to write. A note before I begin: It should be clear after reading this I'm not trying to garner any female's adoration. There is a stigma attached to being a victim of physical/sexual/psychological abuse (of which I experienced all), and it does not make a woman want to be with a man. So, it's fortunate there is no woman in my life with whom I can share this at the moment. This is me — alone again — walking with God, inspecting and tending to the wounds of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) as well as other childhood trauma. The timing is good for God to deal with these childhood wounds. Reading about PTSD simply led to something larger (to be discussed in a future post), and, as they say in show business, "The show must go on .....