my careless contagion

Slipping in and out of sleep, I dreamed you were here, your body against mine. Through closed eyes, we felt one another across a great distance. You teased me repeatedly, making me want you, then retreated, asking me what's wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting. What's wrong is the not having, not being sure, grasping for the golden ring, like falling in love with a movie star from long ago.  My eyes opened, and you weren't there. But I was sure you were momentarily, visiting repeatedly. We connected across time and space, like a portal yawned open for a moment. Our souls touched. Our hearts met. Then you were gone again.  Are you a wild animal which refuses to be kept, more at home in the forest than with man? A cat, a fox, a wolf. All have been tamed to a degree, but all retain a wild heart. The fox in The Little Prince said we are forever responsible for what we have tamed. But you there is no taming. You come and go as you please — like the wind, the waves, a fi...

Freedom winds its way around me in the wild wind. It boldly makes its way in the dark and starry nights. It saunters in the moonlight and howls for all those prisoners safe in their homes. There is freedom out there, boys, but it's not here in all this noise. Here, we are slaves and demigods. Out there are heroes and gods.  The trees are free to feel, but they cannot go. They spend their entire lives sucking dirt, holding tight, weathering storms and bugs and blight. Their strength is in staying. I admire them, but I am not like them. My strength is in going. Always going. Always gone. Always somewhere else.  Staring at this night, I can feel it calling me. Staring down this road, I can feel the pull. There is a wildness in me. For the first time in more than 20 years, I am free, utterly free. I have no master. I have no maid. I have no fear and no rules and no reason to stay. I am as free as the wind that blows right by me.  I can love that woman and ...