my careless contagion

My parents spent the last two months in Florida. Every time they come back, I'm filled with dread. It's hard to explain. Perhaps this article can speak for me.  They come back, and I try to find a place to hide. But there is nowhere to hide. I even had a dream the day after they came back that I was a fugitive and they couldn't find me. No one could find me. I simply ran away and hid.  I can't explain to most people what it was like growing up in my house. They don't have the ability to understand. And, yes, I know memories are not always to be trusted. But the feeling I get when I see someone is something I can trust. And with them, it's fear and loathing. This should not be.  As the above article states, it's best to sever all ties with narcissistic parents. They cannot change. This has become one of the biggest reasons why I don't want to live here anymore. That's sad.  There are some things other people will never understand. They...

Toxic relationships. It's fodder for songs (like the obvious and, frankly, glamorizing Toxic by Britney Spears) and movies and books. And my life, apparently. The reality is far less glamorous than any pop song, however. An article here at Hey Sigmund (a site with an obvious psychological bent) details how toxic relationships work. I had a conversation recently with someone when I realized that nearly all of my close relationships have been toxic, starting with my family, the basis for how I interact with the world.  Yes, I would consider my ex-wife to be a toxic person at times. But how did I agree to be in that kind of relationship? It goes back to my childhood experiences with my parents and brothers. The article mentioned above does a good job explaining how toxic relationships work, which was a head-nodding thing for me to read. Reading is believing. Sometimes we get so bogged down in our lives that we lose perspective. That outside perspective is what liberates u...

How do I tell her how irreplaceable she is? How do I tell her without sounding trite or cumbersome? Words cannot convey the waves of gratitude I feel. Saying I love her does not suffice. I can show her, but that, too, is soon outgrown.  God will have to show me how to protect and appraise her. How do I show love to someone I love so much? I am just a man, yet I carry an electric current of feelings for her. How do I tell her when I think of making love to a woman, I think only of her, and the thought of being with any other woman makes me sick inside? When I walk with her and when I talk with her, I will be blind to all other women. I will see them. But not really. They will be obstacles I cannot run into like extras on a movie set. You see, she was the good girl who took care of things — the house, the kids, the finances, the family portraits, everything — while her husband was chasing women, often long into the night. While she laid awake wondering where he was and who he...