my careless contagion

I have a fantasy. I’ve never done it with any woman. I know we talked about it once. I lost my nerve. Maybe because it seems so impossible.  It seems like such a simple request. It’s not kinky. It’s not even sexual. But, it has to do with everything. And with absolutely nothing. Does that make sense?  I want it to be you. I want you to be the one. Will you fulfill my wonton fantasy, my virulent desire? I longed for this. For years. Never has it seemed possible. Even now, I wonder.  No, perhaps you will laugh. Or, perhaps you won’t. My heart hangs in the balance. I decide that, even if you do laugh, you may understand enough to say yes. How can I ask? How can I explain? Maybe I will just try and see if you go along, ask as if it was a normal request. Or not say anything at all. Just do it and expect you to comply. But what if you say no?  If it was something kinky, you would say yes. If it was something that pushed the envelope, you wouldn’t bat an eye. Why am ...

The above is one of my favorite pictures of my son. This was the day he finished his swim lessons for the year, and I was so proud of him. I told him how I struggled to pass my swim lessons when I was a child. There were many days he simply didn't want to do what he was told (like putting his head under the water, which I admit is scary when you're not used to it). But we asked that he try, not that he succeed, not that he do anything perfectly. We just asked that he try. And he did.   It's the image of a child growing up too fast, too. He's only four years old, but so much is expected of him. We oftentimes treat him as we would an adult. I have said countless times how I want him to just slow down ... please, just slow down, you can be an adult the rest of your life; you can only be a kid now.  Regardless, life moves us along. Today I realized just how far along my son has gotten. There is a reactionary quality to what I need to relate here. Trust me, I understa...