my careless contagion

The start of a new year is often a time for change. People often see it as a marker for a beginning of sorts. Maybe they want to see new places. Maybe they want to meet someone new. Maybe they want to wear a new body. For me, seeing January show up on my calendar is a relief. Now I can say, "That was last year."  I thought my divorce was to be finalized in 2017. That's what my lawyer told me, at least. But, this is Custer, where everything takes longer than it should. So, my divorce landed in early 2018. It took seven months, which isn't long by anyone's standards, but it still took too long. I've waited a year to say, "That was last year."  Many of last year's struggles were life-changing and far-reaching. I am tired of big things happening. Actually, I'm just flat-out tired. Last year almost did me in. Without going over the many things that happened, it's safe to say it was one of the most change-filled years I've ever exper...

The last five years have been possibly the strangest of my life. The changes I've gone through were inevitable. Nothing strange there. The strangeness lies in what happened inside me.  I'm not the guy who gets fucked up over a woman. I'm not the guy who gets his feathers ruffled by life changes. I've seen it all. I've dealt with much worse. Those things don't bother me. But they did. I got laid out — clobbered by a perfect storm.  If I took it all apart and looked at it, there wasn't one thing that should have messed me up like that. I've withstood incredible pain and hardship in my 41 years. What shocked me the most was my aberrant reaction to what I was going through. I simply wasn't myself. By necessity, my whole life I've been laid back. It's been a bumpy ride, so I make jokes and get along no matter what. My wit intervenes. My mind finds other paths. Sometimes I even have to find my "happy place." I make mountains int...