my careless contagion

My post entitled "Then surprise me" was written for no one in particular, though I shared it with my muse. I had to disconnect from everything and everyone to write it, as it was greatly unlike me. I fleshed out the characters as best I could, yet it felt unnatural. Still, Julia, who says she likes rough sex, enjoyed it. I took out a lot of the internal dialog because it was too long, and, for the record, I would never share something like that with a woman I intended to be with, even though many women have that fantasy. I don't believe it's in me to do those things. But, under the right conditions, a human is capable of anything. I saw people do and say things I never imagined. Yes, before I pass along this blog as a legacy, I plan on unpublishing some posts. For now, they stand because they are part of my journey.  Julia was upset with me because I looked her up outside of the app, saying I got ahead of her. I remember she told me there were things she was going to ...

My Sweet Lady by John Denver can be heard all around us, from mundane to special moments. You hear it at the grocery store as you browse the produce section. And it is a perennial wedding song. You may even hear it at birthday parties for dogs (cus people actually have those, which still amazes me, since I don't even celebrate my own birthday). Played millions of times since its release in 1971, it is part of the cultural ether. And that's a good thing because it is a sweet song. I dedicate this post to a certain woman. How long will I continue to write about her? How many more John Denver songs do I have? I can't do this forever, I know. Regardless of her circumstances and mine, though, I still seem to want to write these love letters, at least for a time. Everything has a beginning and an end, including me. Nothing lasts forever. So enjoy, if you're into this sort of thing. I chose this version over others even though it is slower. Why? Because he nailed it. He lays i...

Scene: phone booth in the rain (clearly a retro scene), a man fumbles for change, inserts two quarters, and listens to the mechanical whir of the phone dialing ... Hello? Hello, Cindy.  Josh ... sigh.  Just let me say what I need to say.  Just one last time. I know you won't tell me what I want to hear. Or maybe you won't say anything at all. But I'm asking for an answer. Whatever answer you have, I accept. Whatever your heart involuntarily says. And then I will politely walk away one last time. I don't want to beg, but I will. Please, Cindy, take my hand and walk with me through the rest of our lives. I know this world is troubled, but so am I without you. I can't promise you much but my endless love. I don't want to miss out on a single day of your life. I already missed so much. So, please, be gentle with me one last time. And say what needs to be said. I will accept your answer — yes or no — with dignity. I will hold my head high because I tried but knowi...