my careless contagion

I wrote a post by this title three years ago. (Also, a movie by the same name exists.) My mind goes back to certain places where I think maybe if I had made a different choice, things would have turned out differently. I can feel bad about that the rest of my life if I want to. I don't. It's clear God used this incredible weakness and affinity for a woman to bring me back to Him. (I never wanted something so much in my life. The only thing stronger than that feeling is the urge to give her what she wants. It goes without saying my love for the Lord is greater.) You can say I got carried away, but, no, I loved her. I did things that were wrong in my chasing of her and paid a dear price. God took care of that. I made mistakes and was punished and made a commitment to stay on the straight and narrow. I've been doing okay. Always room for improvement.  Did I chase her wrong? Nothing is wrong with chasing a woman. Infringing upon her space and disrespecting her is wrong. If she ...

In my mind's eye, I can see us there still, at Reservoir Hill, you in my arms and I wishing us right out of that town. Why didn't I kiss you there or unhook your bra strap or put a hand up your shirt or tell you anything — ANYTHING — that was in my thoughts about us. Why did it have to be me telling you too late and you had already gone away and I was moping my way to some other girl? Sometimes, my dear, I can make it all right if I think about it all night, if I make my brain hurt and my heart flutter and my eyes water a little too. Somehow, I can make myself appear there again with you. If I could only go back, take your hand, and show you my heart. I wouldn't be sitting here wondering about you. I'd know everything. I know you would have given me your heart and your hand and everything you could think of. I'd know you inside and out. If only I could retrace my steps all the way back to you and that hill. If I hadn't thought you were only kidding when you...