my careless contagion

She went away, like a storm, or like a toy boat caught in the current of a stream. That's what I tell myself now. How or why doesn't matter anymore, only that she went away, and forever. She's gone. Irretrievable. Found her way to some distant sea. I don't know. All I know is she's gone, and I am still here. I wished and hoped she'd come back, but she never did. How did she move on? And so quickly? How did she run so fast so far so silently? Did I drive her away? Did I say something, do something, be something? I don't know. All I know is she left. Or was drawn away. All my attempts to draw her closer resounded pitifully and hollowly, like I was speaking to an empty forest or myself or a dark sky.  I hear her voice in the rain sometimes, in the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof. It's like she's still there, or just visiting, but I know it's only my imagination. I tell myself she's just checking in to see if I'm okay, and then I smile...

King of fools There are a lot of thoughts swirling in my head, but mostly it's her. She's the planet all these thoughts revolve around; she's the gravity in my head. And she doesn't even exist. She's out there somewhere, but she's not real anymore.  What she accomplished in a short amount of time is astonishing. She got me to see things I'd tried to hide from. She blew open things I never thought existed. What she did in my life was nothing short of a miracle. I thank God for her every day. Now, she feels like a dream. What we had for a brief moment was an absolute dream, a fantasy, an unrealistic but beautiful thing. I lost her. I'm grieving that loss. I thought having anger would be the end of this grieving process. Instead, it's just a strange, warm feeling that sits in my bones. I cannot be angry with her; it's just not in me. What she did to me I cannot blame her for. Whatever she did, she had to do. I just happened to be the blind an...