my careless contagion

This is a goodbye, and a hello. This will likely be my last post containing certain themes. It's not that I haven't let go. It's that some things still affect me. In all these things, my choice was to make things work. It was only with great reluctance that I was made to let go. I approached every relationship with kindness and patience. This isn't about healing. I will heal the rest of my life. Letting go is different. I had to try everything — and fail — first. It's a story that repeated. I was more than intentional. I showed up. I loved, was pushed away, and died over and over. Finally, I let go.  They say if a writer falls in love with you, you never die.  The last thing I remember was her small frame standing in the doorway crying. Fade Into You was playing from the turntable. The blonde girl walking on the dark street was so drunk, but when she saw me standing in the Ohio drizzle that night with nothing but the sodium lights illuminating us, she said something...

An open letter to the place I lived (slightly edited from the original).  After more than seven years of living and working in Southern Black Hills, it's time for me to leave. If you don't know who I am, you are certainly forgiven. Judging by the number of people who called me Jason or Justin or Jimmy or "that guy" during my tenure here, not many even knew I existed. I worked on many projects over the years and various publications. Those numerous publications are what I've been helping produce for the last seven-plus years. The publishing industry is always changing. And so are we, our needs and our lives.  I saw some of the best and worst things in my life happen here in the Black Hills, from the birth of my son to my divorce which I initiated back in 2012 or so and finalized in 2018. I came here in part because I wanted to give my marriage another try. There was a lot of trying and failing, in general, but that's just life. What made my stay here unique wer...

It's a brand-new world you've been born into a world of wonder a world of pain and uncertainty But this is what you wanted this is what you needed maybe it's not too late, you said to start over Before she left town that girl said she couldn't do it couldn't make it You said you could make up the difference spread your legs I'll do the rest But she was waging a different war and she needed to get back home she could see you crying in her rearview mirror Little did she know she took a part of you that day the most important part still beating in the passenger seat You'll never see her again because she saw that thing in you that thing that you know no one should ever see Most days I pray just to make it back to my bed so I can hold her in my dreams so I can kiss her on the mouth on her neck, down her back so I can smell her hair and taste her skin run my hands down her t...