my careless contagion

At first, it was just a little drip drip then it hemorrhaged into something more soon I was sitting in a pool of it surrounded by it watching it creep out from me in a big circle It became clear some time ago I wasn't going to make it not at this rate And all I can say is I guess I'm fine because I still hear the questions and I say it all the time I guess this is okay the way my life is dripping away spreading out from me like it can't get away fast enough I guess it's okay that I went the wrong way made the wrong turn got sucked into this decay I guess it's okay that my loneliness won and I can't see past my hand because I'm losing too much blood I guess it's okay the way things feel today because I know tomorrow is going to feel worse I guess it's okay that I think so much about God because I want this to be over I want to go home These are my mistakes ...

There are parts of me that are dying some are dead already that's okay; let them decay I must not need them anyway there's so much death here I have to hold my breath or risk choking on the fetid smell This grand new life this bold adventure requires much daily sacrifice I sacrifice my old self every day I've crawled out of so much rottenness so much disease destruction, chaos But I'm alive and, surprisingly, no -- shockingly -- happy I couldn't outrun the pain the rain or this stubborn stain I call my life I exist I am thankful and I can't wait for another day.

I sit I stir I sit again I stir again I wait I sigh there are so many images flashing in my mind's eye The windows reveal nothing my prayers never cease you've bound me to you I have nowhere to go What I've learned, dear is my end is near I've grown old unexpectantly Waiting for you to reappear is a game I'd rather not play Holding my breath I claw at my chest unable to move watch me dissipate sublimate rust away decay.