my careless contagion

Yes, I said it before. And, yes, I’ll say it again. My heart is fixed. My mind is sure. She is the one I love. There is no shame in loving a woman. Perhaps by stating so often how I feel I seek to erase the years she was neglected and misused, traumatized and abused. Whatever she’s doing now and whomever she’s with, I hope she knows how much this (admittedly pathetic) man loves her. But does she love me? Who knows what secrets her heart keeps?  When someone we care about greatly is absent from our lives, we sometimes go through wild theatrics to bring them back to us in small ways. It may be a dream – the unconscious speaking for us – or it may be a thousand thoughts in a thousand ways directed their way. For me, it was those and more. I sought her in everyone I met. What I sought lived only behind her green eyes, not someone else’s. But, a starving man has heightened senses. In the lack of her, I found pieces of her around me. I became rich in her, if only in my mind.  At the...

Ah, summer. I used to know a girl named Summer, but this isn't about her. This is about the season (though if summer had a gender, it would be female). Where I live, summer does not last long. My joke is that it ended July 4, and then begins the slide toward fall, my favorite season. Basically, it lasts about six weeks, but no calendar will tell you that. Still, summer has such lovely qualities, and this summer has been especially long and summery. Here in the Black Hills, summer is tourist season, but even those who live here can celebrate its specialness. People come here to recreate in a place that isn't so scorchingly hot. It's true. Many homes here don't even have air conditioning because it cools off enough at night they can simply open their windows for cool sleeping and then close them again in the morning to keep their homes cool during the day. (Naturally, I am the exception to the rule because I have a small air conditioner for my tiny apartment, mainly be...

I fought for you but you're fading fast like summer into fall like fall into winter I kept you close to my heart for the second summer now I feel you slipping away as the third winter approaches I let you go I had no choice I hated every moment of saying goodbye My heart is weary my body is broken and tired my mind aches as I imagine life without you The irony is I want you to go back go back to him go back forever  I want you to be happy I want to disappear let these shadows I've cast fall no more on you The pain I've caused is beyond my understanding My girl I can't ever make it up to you Love does not matter not anymore I thought it did but I was wrong Everything I've fought for is gone Everything I wanted I've lost You're just the latest thing I didn't deserve Goodbye, my love You were perfect in my arms We had our moment — our golden moment in the sun We held each other like it was the only th...