my careless contagion

Every morning is the routine every day the same old thing What has changed? you and me We're no longer "we" It's little things put away forever furniture moved around boxes on the ground books that once belonged to us linens, sheets, towels, music pictures, letters, notes They await the day of rending the day of breaking sorting, dividing the day of letting go Mornings at the window coffee in hand sliding into evening's sheets together reading before I turn off the light The big things, the small things all share the same fate they won't travel with us together this is a study in letting go You won't cry over things or fight you won't throw a tantrum you'll simply let go What was once us has been reduced to dust I sit in sackcloth and ashes my cheeks stained, my eyes red This rending is more than just things more than just memories more than just a change of address This is us letting go l...

All their faces become one all their lies and all their eyes bore into me I am frozen stalled rejected once again standing still and wondering Who keeps hitting "repeat" on this track who keeps stut-stut stuttering their lines over and over again I have one last shot one last chance to love but I am shuttered out of town out to lunch I want that one woman I can mesh with talk with, feel with shake off the dust of this town with and in the end, smile with But they all have agendas I hide my heart cover my mouth censor my thoughts and sleep with one eye open What I see is that girl waiting for me but the question is does she see me? Will she line up like the rest raise her weapon aim at my chest? Sadly, I believe I know the answer.

There's something about this something about me something about you that threatens to break me in two There's something on the wind getting closer filling me with excitement filling me with dread Is it you, my perfect coming to me at last is it your heart I hear crying out like mine This is an epic thing I am not a man of renown I am not a beast I am just flesh  I've run out of words run out of hope and other things  that look like it Here I sit alone again unable to move unable to breathe If God sees me if God hears me if anyone sees me if anyone hears me Please understand I am just a man broken now now less than a man There is nowhere to go nothing to do but sit and wait stirring inside My face shows my age my hands show my rage my heart shows my pain and humiliation But my feet cannot walk away. 

Pictures, postcards notes, birthday cards letters soaked in yearning thousands of miles of text back and forth forever we've talked through distance, through tears You were my everything and I tried to be yours you were the rain that watered my fields of hope and acres of thorns I longed for you so many nights I begged you to remain only mine but you were always swept up in someone else's storm You had no mercy on my heart and now I hear your voice crying, pleading have mercy -- one last time Oh, how you've torn me and you intend to tear me one last time you intend to break me forever like you used to do all the time I'm so broken I can't even respond I'm making excuses but we both know how this ends I don't know why it hurts so much leaving like this I can't bear doing you how you've done me If I die tonight It's all the same if I run through hell no one will catch me I'm ...

Maybe you see me as a brute a monster in search of flesh Maybe you fear me my appetites my passion my desire My love, I am just a man in love with just one woman You're my perfect my dream my everything my whole world If you could see my heart you'd know I'm all yours for better or for worse I want to hold you seep into you become a part of you forever You are my one and only the only star in my sky since the beginning we were made for each other Let me hold you, love do you feel my heart on you? does it speak to you? cry out for you? One day I'll be gone I want the world to know you were mine before I run out of time Darling, I fear the end is near The night is spent so let me hold you, dear If this is all I have -- this empty bed -- then let me imagine you here filling my last perfect moments with your peace.

Driving nowhere — this could be the metaphor for you and me — rudderless, lost, parting ways You aren't talking but I can tell your face is staring out your window that tells me everything You're crying again and I'm driving we'll do this as we've always done and then never again We may as well be listening to Samiam's Clumsy, hungover, tired and waiting for our time to begin We waited so long we fought for this and this, well, this is not what we wanted We're strung out on insomnia regret depression and a very bitter winter These hills baited us these skies welcomed us these dark nights lit up with stars they cradled us The radio always plays the saddest songs and love songs that don't mean a thing right now Every song sounds like a dirge every note like pinpricks of melancholy Yet, we drive we sit silently we rehearse our lines ...